Is the first sentence wrong? sounds like a strange noise to me, what is it about?
Parents should guard their children as they are more susceptible to creating more problems and endangering themselves. Parents need to relentlessly supervise their children as they are more susceptible to create more problems and endangering themselves.
Both examples seem to overuse “more”,particularly given that they’re opening sentences where an precedent has already been set for susceptibility to- or a quantity of problems. In addition ‘Relentlessly’ seems to carry some subjective weight.
Will ‘thoroughly’ have fewer negative connotations?
I’d suggest’Children are susceptible to creating problems and endangering themselves and should be thoroughly supervised by parents ‘.
Both examples seem to overuse “more”,particularly given that they’re opening sentences where an precedent has already been set for susceptibility to- or a quantity of problems. In addition ‘Relentlessly’ seems to carry some subjective weight.
Will ‘thoroughly’ have fewer negative connotations?
I’d suggest’Children are susceptible to creating problems and endangering themselves and should be thoroughly supervised by parents ‘.
