“Mental is good when the medicine is in your family and not when your friend gives you one or when you take it by yourself”
I am editing my 5th grade paper. I want to communicate with my students. I have autism and some learning difficulties. I own her own home. It is
good when your family gives you medicine not when your friend gives you one or when you take it by yourself. It is not bad when you take medicine by yourself. What do you mean by that?
Do you believe in medicine? If it is what
you want, it is good for your family to give it to you. Why?
What would you describe as strange to me? Why is this sentence correct? What are some suggestions on how to write a book to make it rewrite?
I know the sentence isn’t very sophisticated. What if someone is only a family member, but so that they can make a decision? Which is not very interesting because it seems to your child that he is’mathematically out of tune’ and may not understand things in a logical way. I don’t want to intervene too much as the response is supposed to be in his perspective (What he learnt from DARE.) I just want to make sure that I edit it correct.
Why, in this context, I don’t have any objection to “when”. As a matter of fact, I prefer it to “if” – it’s more concrete, not merely hypothetical, and your student is talking about concrete situations. When is it OK to take medicine?” The
only problem I see is that “on” – it doesn’t suggest any idiom I can think of, and if I were a teacher I would immediately stop and wonder “Where did that come from?’ “. I suspect the misspelling of one and that your student have been exposed to some sort of safety program covering a situation like this. What’s the big
deal? Do you have a friend that gave you one of his migraine pills and is convinced it worked for them? – The Gable Health Center, “Dangers of Sharing Prescription Medications”
[And now you’ve added the DARE reference. Bingo. I’d
congratulate the student, and suggest that it’s even more effective if all three of his examples use the same words as much as possible: when
your family gives it to you, but not when
a friend gives it to you, and not when
you take it by yourself. ( or “on your own”, if the student seems receptive to enlarging his authorial universe ).)
Does he have a true sense of rhythm? Is it important to encourage it?
Am I the only one being in the news?
I think what the child means by “one” : he means a friend provides you one pill (or other drug dose)?
I would resist the urge to edit and simply ask him what he means. Go over the sentence with him and GET BRIEF! They need light. Or you can keep them light. If he sees any natural divisions in a sentence, ask him what he sees. How punctuation breaks up sentences?
Medicine is good when your family
gives it to you — not when your friend gives you one or when you take it by yourself (be it with friends or family)
Doing e to on, or just dash, leaves you with his words and perfect grammatical sentence?
How does this sentence sound to be perfectly grammatical? My edit seems to have kept things in order by changing one to it… Which might sound better in some circumstances, but wouldn’t really be a big deal– particularly when uttered by a 5th grader? As a side note, a dash, as suggested by Rob, will make a sentence more readable.
